A gentle reminder for Black Women who are tired of being tired
It’s a familiar scene.
One we’ve all experienced.
Running around, caring for everyone else, yet having no time to look after ourselves.
Even when we can relax and care for ourselves, we feel guilty and struggle to enjoy our time because we fear other people will view us as lazy and weak.
I must admit that despite having taught yoga for more than 15 years professionally and learning how to prioritize self-care, I still get entangled in people-pleasing and self-sabotage.
Witnessing the struggles endured by my parents and observing my three young adult daughters and their friends grappling with work-related stress inspires me to share the lessons I have learned.
I want to live in a world where self-care, looking after each other and being compassionate stewards of our time and energy is the norm.
After a lifetime of neglect and putting others’ needs before our own, knowing what we want and how to care for ourselves can be difficult.
The question is — how and when can we
- Find enough time in the day to take care of our needs
- Believe it is acceptable to take time off work for mental health reasons
- Turn down social invitations and
- Take care of one another
without feeling guilty, overburdened, or labelled lazy.
So let’s get into it!
What Is Self-Care?
Self-care is a verb.
Self-care activities are behaviours, thoughts, feelings and emotions which we do, consciously or unconsciously, to maintain a healthy mental and emotional state.
When we practice self-care, it offers us a holistic way of living our life.
- Physical self-care activities help promote a strong and healthy body
- Emotional self-care helps reduce stress and anxiety
- Mental self-care can boost our self-esteem and strengthen our relationships with others
- Spiritual self-care helps us be kinder to ourselves as we nurture and nourish our hearts
Why Do People Struggle With Self-Care?
With so many benefits, why do people still struggle with self-care?
So many people, especially women, live in survival-care mode; for self-care to be normalized, looking after our mental health and well-being must become an integral and hegemonic part of daily life.
However, because the popular view of self-care, as “bubble baths and wearing fluffy pink slippers”, is regarded as the norm, most people feel self-care is a luxury and something “no one has time for”.
When life is spiraling out of control, practicing self-care becomes our refuge, allowing us to soothe our nerves, restore a sense of calm, ground our energy, and gain a clearer perspective on life’s challenges.
And for those times when we feel unmotivated, exhausted and running on empty, practising self-care gives our bodies a chance to regenerate, revitalise and boost our resilience.
Self-care also involves integrating simple self-care practices to sustain us during the day.
Simple self-care activities that we slip into our routine play a crucial role in our overall well-being as they help to:
- Nurture a sense of hope, ease, and calm within our bodies during high-stress moments
- Alleviate the emotional stress that often accompanies feelings of overwhelming tiredness and loneliness
- Remind us we are human, and although awful happens to us, we can access portals of inner calm and healing
However, because of social conditioning and the effects of racism, misogyny, and colourism, women — especially Black and Brown women — are raised to see self-care as self-indulgent and something we must fight for.
As we put everyone else’s needs — primarily white people — before our own, society has placed an immense duty on us: to suffer silently while donning the “superwoman” cape.
In these circumstances, engaging in personal and collective self-care activities can help support, strengthen and nurture self-assurance, inner calm and faith in our ability that together, we can thrive, flourish, and get through the day.
When life is spiraling out of control, practicing self-care becomes our refuge, allowing us to soothe our nerves, restore a sense of calm, ground our energy, and gain a clearer perspective on life’s challenges
How Do You Start Self-Care?
3 Golden Tips To Remember When You Start Self-Care
1. Self-care is a life-long practice
There is no right time to start actively looking after yourself.
Like any other activity, the more you practice self-care, the easier it becomes to make looking after yourself the norm.
2. Practice a little and often
If you can spend 5–20 minutes daily intentionally practising a simple self-care activity, you will notice changes in your mood.
Your self-care practice can include a short guided self-care meditation (see the video below), a nutritious snack during the day, and a few minutes of breathing exercises after work to unwind.
Take a look at this video:
The key is to get into the routine of practicing regularly.
3. Be gentle with yourself
Sometimes, life gets in the way, and practising self-care as much as you would like is impossible.
Maybe you have recently suffered a loss in the family and can’t sleep at night, or worked late three nights in a row on a company project and woke up too tired to meditate.
In these cases, be kind and loving towards yourself.
Listen to your body, see what self-care activity meets your needs and treat yourself with deep care.
And to wrap up, let’s say, like most of us, you have trouble taking care of yourself and treating yourself with kindness.
Please take a small step.
Get my free guide: 21 Affirmations for Self-Love & Healing, to help you start your self-care journey and prioritise yourself.
Thank you for taking the time to read this article.
If you found it enjoyable and informative, please follow me and share your thoughts in the comments below. Your feedback and engagement are always greatly appreciated and help others to reflect, heal and grow.
I originally published this article on Medium where you may read my other inspirational articles.
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