Small signs of healing often arrive in stillness.For five days, I stayed away from email.
Not away from life. I was still here, still moving through my days, still caring for my dad, who is 93, and still listening to him talk about his dreams, his memories, and the years that shaped him.
But I stepped back from work, from late nights, and from doomscrolling.
And I can say honestly, it was exactly the right thing to do.
My head feels clearer now. Life feels softer, safer, and less hurried.
A Quiet Week Away From Email
During that quiet stretch, I found myself thinking gently about the past. Not in a heavy way, but with curiosity and care. I thought about the turns my life has taken, the detours, the blessings, and the unexpected path that led me here, sitting at my desk in my bedroom, writing and sharing these words.
Maybe you know that feeling too. Those still moments when you begin to look back on your life and notice how much has changed.
A Memory of My Grandfather and the Full Moon
A memory of my grandfather came back to me as well.
When I was a teenager, my parents took my brother and me to visit our family in Trinidad. At one point during the trip, I sat with my granddad. Out of the blue, he said, “Whenever you see a full moon, look up and think of me.”
At the time, I did not fully understand the depth of his words. I just smiled and carried on enjoying the rest of the holiday.
He passed away not long after that visit.
But to this day, every full moon still holds me.
When I see it, I look up and remember him. I remember his grey eyes, the way he looked at me, and the quiet weight of that moment.
Some memories never leave us.
Time does not erase them. Distance does not erase them. Even death cannot erase them.
Grief teaches us that love does not end. It changes shape, and it stays with us.
Living Through the Firsts After Loss
This past year without my mum’s physical presence has brought many firsts.
My mum’s birthday without her.
Mother’s Day without her.
The anniversary of the day she left this earth.
I have walked through each one gently. I have stood in shops looking at cards, taken deep breaths, and sent quiet prayers of gratitude for her life.
Next month brings the anniversary of her funeral. That feels final in a way I can hardly explain.
So I am holding that thought gently.
I am trusting that I will get through it.
I will not pretend this road has been easy. But I also will not pretend there has been no light.
There has.
The Small Things That Help Me Heal
There have been small daily acts of care. Morning meditation. Yoga. Journalling. Counselling. Community. Friendship. Quiet moments of rest.
These things have become anchors for me.
They have offered me glimmers of peace, hope, and strength.
And I notice the healing in small ways.
I no longer wake in the night in a cold sweat, reaching for my phone to check whether I missed a call. I no longer lie awake replaying the day, worn out and wondering how I will make it through tomorrow.
If you have lived through caregiving, you may know exactly what that feels like.
And so I say this with care, that is no small thing.
This morning, while meditating and listening to my body, I noticed small signs of healing.
A few words rose up in my heart, and I want to share them with you.
I Am Strong
I am strong.
I am expansive.
I flow with the light.
I am strong, a divine being living in peace with earth’s heavenly rhythms.
I am strong, steady as the roots of an ancient oak tree, a lion resting on the savanna plains.
We are strong, dear gentle souls, our hearts guided by the sacredness of the full moon, our spirits connected forever through the rivers of time.
I offer these words to you as a reminder, and as a mirror.
Because I believe strength is not only about endurance.
It is also kindness.
Kindness toward ourselves.
Kindness toward each other.
Kindness in the way we give grace, gratitude, and space.
A Bumblebee, a Full Moon, and a New Chapter
As I finished writing and looked out of my bedroom window, a bumblebee flew by.
I smiled. My heart smiled.
There is something healing about these small, unexpected moments.
A bee in flight.
A full moon on a clear night.
A conversation with a friend over tea and homemade cake.
These simple things whisper, we are still here.
For me, it feels like I am entering a new chapter.
Same life.
Same story.
Just a new page.
Blank, and somehow full at the same time.
It honours what has come before, and carries forward the lessons, love, and blessings that remain.
A Gentle Reminder
So wherever you are today, whatever you are carrying, please remember this.
We are under the same sun.
The same full moon shines on you and me.
And you will get through.
If it feels right for you, I invite you to look up at the next full moon, smile, and let yourself remember the love and strength of those who came before you.
If this practice speaks to you, and you feel comfortable, I would love to hear what comes up for you.
Thank you for walking this road with me.
Take care of your tender heart.
With love,
Ntathu
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