There are some days when the weather seems to make even the simplest tasks harder.
London has been having a rare stretch of hot, record-breaking sunshine.
I love the sun, yet the heat’s intensity has left me feeling clammy, tired, and short on patience.
Even the nights have felt close and stifling.
I have found myself watching my daughter water her wilting tomato plants and thinking that I would quite like to be sprinkled and moved into a shady corner too.
If you are feeling the heat, you are not alone. It affects everything, and everyone.
As usual, my morning meditation practices have been helping me stay steady and ride this heatwave.
Last week, during my practice, a short affirmation came to me:
I breathe in strength, I exhale calm.
It was simple. Nothing special. Just seven words!
Yet I found myself returning to it throughout the day.
I said it when the heat felt too much.
I said it when I wanted to lie down and do nothing.
And, more personally, I said it in difficult moments with my dad.
Caring for Two Parents, Two Different Loads
My dad is 93, though in his heart he is still a capable 63-year-old man.
Caring for him feels different from caring for my mum.
My mum was 91 and lived with advanced Alzheimer’s. In her final nine months, mum was bed-bound and needed double-handed carers four times a day. Mum, was a quiet, dignified person, and while she did not like personal care, she accepted what was needed.
There was no denial to work around. No resistance to the support required.
Caring for my dad is different.
He is far more mobile than my mum ever was, and in some ways much more able to manage on his own.
But dad does not yet accept that his needs have changed.
That can make things hard, for both of us.
Some of the steps I want to put in place are, in my view, for both dad’s benefit and mine.
Yet he pushes back. Insists he can cope and doesn’t need the support I feel he requires to stay mobile and independent.
The conversations are tiring.
They ask a lot of me emotionally and are emotionally draining.
At times, I find myself questioning whether I am doing the right thing, and I often shout, “OK, do it your way, see how far that gets you.” (Not kind, I know!)
That frustration can be more draining than the caregiving itself.
It is the ongoing tension. The different perspectives. The effort to make changes and make life easier for everyone while still holding firm to what I believe is needed.
And that is exactly when I need calm strength most.
I need something to hold onto before I get swept into another argument that helps no one.
I breathe in strength; I exhale calm.
This affirmation does not fix the situation. It does not remove the disagreement. But these days it gives me an anchor.
It serves as a reminder of the stillness I experience during my meditation practice, and in that pause, I regain calm, and I can step away when I am feeling rattled and don’t slide into another argument that helps no one.
That is what mindfulness offers me.
Not instant calm and tranquillity.
Just a small pause practice that helps me stay calm and clear when I feel emotionally triggered, so that I can focus on what matters most, often in the middle of unpredictable, stressful situations.
So I want to ask you: have you cared for, or are you caring for, a parent who insists there is nothing wrong with them, while also quietly relying on you for support?
If so, please know you are not alone.
I find a lot of support, comfort and solid advice from attending various online and in-person carers and bereavement support groups.
As caregivers, we live in these in-between spaces.
We try to protect our loved ones’ dignity and honour their independence while keeping them safe.
And all the while, we try to take better care of ourselves.
And that takes effort and, in my experience soooo much patience!
A Question I Keep Asking Myself
So this week, if life feels heavy, I invite you to try this small practice:
I breathe in strength; I exhale calm.
Say it when you need a moment.
Say it before a hard conversation.
Say it when your body feels tense, and your mind feels full.
And if you would like a little extra support, I invite you to explore The 1-Minute Calm Kit, a free resource created to help you find a little more steadiness on the hard days.
Remember, dear friend, please be gentle with yourself.
Put your feet up when you can.
Drink water.
And take one gentle breath at a time.
With love and warmth,
Ntathu
Photo by Eye for Ebony on Unsplash Thank you
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