Meditation

even if you are having a hard time, you can still live a calm and peaceful life

Everyone wants to live a calm and peaceful life.

To sleep well.

Enjoy warm relationships with loved ones.

To get along at family gatherings and have fun relationships with friends and companionship with work colleagues.

Most of all, to feel loved and accepted — quirks at all.

However, being human, we often end up arguing, fighting and falling out with each other, or overcommitting ourselves at work, leading to disharmony and discontent.

So, in this article, we will explore three simple mindfulness exercises — gratitude meditation, loving-kindness meditation, and mindful breathing — you can use today to help you reclaim your inner calm and sense of happiness — even when dealing with stressful situations at home or work:

While we can’t singularly change the status quo, whatever stressful situation you are going through, finding ways to live in the world and experience inner calm and peace is possible, so let’s start right where you are, in the present moment.

Why do we struggle with self-care

With so much at stake, prioritising our mental health needs to be our #1 priority.

Black women and people with intersectional identities have the added pressure to coexist and navigate conflict in a world that struggles to value our worth. Coupled with the global impact of Covid-19, many people feel disconnected, living in isolation and fear within communities.

Finding ways to meditate, be more mindful and integrate our mindfulness self-care practices into daily life helps us experience inner calm and know peace is possible.

I know that is hard to believe, so let me explain.

The benefits of mindfulness meditation for mental health

I believe in the power of meditation and mindfulness practises to support our heartfelt desires to live in a calm and peaceful world without causing harm to others and exploiting and destroying the planet.

And because of my 60 years of lived experience as a Black woman in the UK, 13 years working as a probation officer in economically disadvantaged inner city London boroughs, and 20+ years of teaching, studying, and practising yoga and meditation, all while juggling parenting my three now-adult daughters, I am aware that the majority of people push themselves hard, struggle to get by, and rush through life while ignoring their bodies’ natural cues to rest, reset, and recharge.

This results in a nervous system permanently stuck in hypervigilant mode, which weakens our immune systems and makes us more susceptible to auto-immune disorders and stress-related symptoms like migraines, high blood pressure, diabetes, depression and even burn-out.

What is mindfulness meditation?

Mindfulness meditation is a practice of paying loving attention to our environment, acknowledging the impact on our thoughts, feelings and emotions and making the conscious choice to think, feel and behave more intentionally, loving and kind towards ourselves and others.

Given our society’s structural imbalances and unconscious biases, it is always challenging to be loving and kind. And that’s where the following three mindfulness meditation exercises come into play and strengthen our ability to be peaceful and calm daily.

Mindfulness meditation exercise #1 Be Grateful Every Day

I used to think gratitude was a form of spiritual bypassing, keeping me stuck in my place and PollyAnna thinking,

However, learning to be grateful and practice gratitude has been pivotal in my healing journey and helps keep me anchored, hopeful and grounded in my life.

Gratitude requires mindfulness and noticing what you have right now in the present moment and not what you don’t have or want to have. We can develop this skill to reduce stress, anxiety and worry and appreciate more of the good stuff going on in our life and the world.

Gratitude practices

Here are three simple gratitude meditation exercises you can do straight away to release worry and invite a sense of calm and happiness into your heart.

1. Gratitude Affirmations

Affirmations are powerful, positive declarations you say in the present tense to show appreciation for something you notice: For example, before a meal, whisper a prayer of gratitude for the food you are about to eat; for the many hands — and lives involved in growing and cultivating the food.

2. Bedtime Gratitude Routine

As you are getting ready for bed, take a moment to reflect on your day and write 3 to 5 things you appreciated about the day. I have an alarm on my phone set for 8.50 pm with a note to write 1–5 Good Things I Enjoyed Today. When the alarm goes off, it prompts me to pause, scan my day, and list 1–5 happy moments in the note app on my phone.

3. Gratitude Jar

Instead of keeping cookies in your cookie jar, keep a Gratitude Jar with slips of paper nearby. Write down something you are grateful for each day and place it in the jar. You can write your Bedtime Gratitude on paper and pop it into the cookie jar to save time! Whenever you need a boost, pick out a gratitude cookie from the jar to remind yourself of the good things in your life.

Reflection prompt

What impact did stopping and practising gratitude have on your mood and next activity?

BONUS: Gratitude read: I have publicly shared my yearly gratitude round-up for the last two years, Gratitude: 101 things I’m grateful for in 2021 and Gratitude: 60 Good Things That Happened to Me In 2022

Mindfulness meditation exercise #2 Loving Kindness meditation

Loving-kindness meditation, also known as Metta meditation, is a powerful practice that helps us to cultivate greater feelings of compassion, kindness, care, and acceptance.

I first learned about “cultivating kindness” while going through a terrible divorce and feeling guilty, worthless, and very critical of how I judged, spoke to, and treated myself.

As I began practising loving-kindness meditations and learning to set the intention, it almost felt like a “wish” to be kinder and more gentle towards myself was an eye-opener. It set me on the path to feeling less angry, alienated, and disconnected from myself and others.

Loving-Kindness Practices

Here are three short loving-kindness meditation exercises and phrases that you can use to set your intention to be kinder to yourself when you’re feeling frustrated, unhappy, or sad.

1. Self-Compassion

Close your eyes, place your hand over your heart, and repeat 3 to 10 times to yourself, “May I be kind to myself. May I be patient and caring? May I find peace and happiness?”

2. Loving-Kindness Phrases

Find your breath.

Soften your shoulders and repeat 3 to 10 times the following phrases silently or out loud: “May I be happy. May I be healthy? May I be safe? May I live with ease?”

3. Loving-Kindness Journal

Set aside time each day to write down the acts of kindness you have seen or experienced.

As you jot down the random acts of kindness you see, reflect on the impact of these moments of kindness and give thanks that there are kind, generous people in the world.

Reflection prompt

What do you notice about your mood or behaviour as a result of doing a loving-kindness practice?

Mindfulness meditation exercise #3 Mindful Breathing

My key to inner calm is learning to breathe correctly, and using my breath as an anchor whenever I feel overwhelmed and despair that things “will never change” is my key to inner calm.

Here’s a beginner-friendly mindful breathing exercise you can try today.

• Sit in a comfortable seated position or lie on your back on your bed or yoga mat; turn your attention to your breath.
• Witness how you are breathing today; maybe you can hear the sound of the breath flowing through the back of your throat.
• Gradually, take a steady breath in through your nose and slowly exhale through your nose.
• Remain still and focus on the movement and any sensations you may notice as you breathe — from your belly to your ribs and upper chest.
• Any time you notice your attention wandering away from observing your breath, acknowledge your thoughts and gently bring your awareness back to the breath.
• Continue noticing the breath for 2–5 minutes.

Reflection prompt

How did it feel to put your full attention on your breath? What impact did this have on your state of mind?

Final reflections

Taking time to express gratitude, extending loving-kindness phrases to yourself and being aware of how you breathe are core mindfulness meditation tools you can use anytime you feel upset and worried and restore inner balance.

They won’t cure or stop the world’s ills or make everyone fall in love with you, but the practices help self-soothe your nervous system and invite a sense of inner calm and peace in your day.

Give them a go, and I’d love to know what difference the exercises make to your mood.

Want more support to be happy and live in peace?

Click here for your free PDF guide to 21 Affirmations for Self-love and Healing. Thank you.

I originally published this article on Medium  where you may read my other inspirational articles.

Especially for Black Women who are exhausted from labouring and desire less stress at work.

I know you have heard about self-care.

And you have also tried meditation.

But sometimes life gets so chaotic we forget who we are and how far we have come and don’t have time to care for ourselves.

However, self-care is essential, and when we make self-care part of our daily life, it has a powerful effect on our physical and mental well-being.

Taking just a few moments to care for yourself helps ease tension in your body and brings a sense of calm to your mind, making it easier to meditate.

What is self-care?

Self-care has become a buzzword in recent years, with everyone discussing its benefits for mental health.

On a personal level, self-care, as defined in this modern era of human growth and self-improvement, is any habits or practices we consciously do to care for our physical, emotional, mental and spiritual needs.

For example

1. Eating foods that nourish and support our immune system.
2. Getting enough sleep so our body can rest, restore and repair itself.
3. Moving our bodies regularly to release stress and tension.
4. Taking quiet moments for self-reflection and spiritual reflection enhances our mental health.

As a Black child growing up in South East London, “self-care” wasn’t discussed or prioritised at home.

My parents and those I admired were too busy working to meet their basic needs.

Survival care was the priority — ensuring we had food, shelter, and healthcare.

The idea of self-care was something that wasn’t even considered.

My dad was exhausted from dealing with racism and bullying at work, while my mom worked tirelessly to stretch the minimal weekly wages to feed my brother and me.

As for me, I was too wrapped up in my dream to become the next Sonia Lannaman and pushed my body to the extremes to claim my spot in school athletics programmes.

Although self-care is often promoted as the personal practice we do to care for ourselves, Black feminist writer, poet, and activist Audre Lorde (1934–1992) pointed out that self-care is not just a personal practice. It is also political.

In a world that is often hostile and oppressive towards marginalised communities, prioritising self-care is seen as a radical act of self-love and resistance.

Prioritising your health is necessary to proactively reduce the harm caused by living in a hostile world so you can be a compassionate advocate for justice and social change without sacrificing your well-being.

Within Audrey Lorde’s definition of self-care, she stressed the importance of community care — caring for others within marginalised communities — to build collective strength and resilience.

Now aged 90 and 89, my parents have had the privilege of meeting their basic needs.

Looking back, they now realise the positive impact that self-care could have had on their emotional and mental lives, especially when working, had they known about it earlier.

My mother actively encourages me to prioritise self-care by taking time to rest. She even does mindful colouring, and we go for short walks around the block.

Why should you care about self-care?

Self-care is vital because it helps you learn how to trust yourself and bring a sense of calm and restoration to your body -especially when you feel swamped and overwhelmed with conflicting work demands and personal commitments.

Women, especially Black and Brown Women, often face additional challenges and obstacles at work that heightens workplace stress, and impact their ability to progress and feel fulfilled at work, which affects their mental health.

Some of the barriers that women face at work include:

1. Discrimination and Bias: Women are often subjected to discrimination and bias in the workplace, which can come in many forms, such as pay inequity, lack of promotions, and microaggressions.
2. Lack of Representation: Women, particularly Black and Brown women, are often underrepresented in leadership positions and decision-making roles, limiting their opportunities for advancement and influence in the workplace.
3. Stereotyping: Women, especially Black and Brown Women, are also subject to unconscious biases and misconceptions from employees that can impact their perceived competence and professionalism.
4. Emotional Labor: Black women may be expected to provide free emotional support and perform extra work in the workplace to support employee well-being and promote DEI initiatives.
5. Intersectionality: Black women face unique challenges due to the intersectionality of their race and gender. They experience discrimination based on both their race and gender, which can exacerbate the barriers they face.

These obstacles can significantly impact your mental and physical health, making it harder to look after yourself and do the things you nurture and bring joy to your life.

Important:

Women often feel guilty and struggle to put their needs and desires first. However, self-care isn’t selfish.

Culturally, we need to shift the narrative that self-care is selfish and only for the privileged few, which is an article for another time.

How does self-care help you meditate?

Meditation is a valuable life skill; regular practice helps calm the mind and reduce stress.

However, meditation can be difficult when your mind is cluttered with worries and distractions and your shoulders and knees are stiff and sore.

This is where self-care comes in.

Taking just a few moments to care for yourself helps ease tension in your body.

It invites a sense of calm into your mind, making meditation easier.

3 simple self-care practices to help you meditate easier

To help prepare your mind and body for meditation, here are three simple self-care practices you can do before you meditate to help you settle into the practice.

1. Go outside

If you feel stuck and unmotivated, rather than numb out and self-sabotage, a change of scenery and environment often helps clear your head.

How to do this:

1. Tuck your phone away into your pocket.
2. If you can, stroll or sit comfortably inside near an open window.
3. Look up at the sky, breathe fully, and appreciate the fresh perspective looking up offers you.

2. Get loose

Yoga stretches do wonders to release tension in your body.

This seated yoga pose helps reduce stress on your shoulders.

How to do this:

1. Sit up on a chair. Make sure your back is straight.

2. Stretch your arms straight up over your head.

3. Gently lean your body to the left, and keep your bottom on the chair.

4. Return to the centre and stretch over to the right.

5. Repeat this exercise three to five times on both sides

3. Get loving

When we have too much stuff going on, it is hard to sieve out the noise.

Our thoughts become jangled and jumbled, and we slip into negative self-talk.

Rather than be unkind to yourself, shift your focus and practice loving-kindness affirmations.

How to do this:

1. Cross your arms across your chest.
2. Tuck your chin in, and lower your head towards your crossed arms. Close your eyes.
3. Inhale. Exhale. Slowly whisper to yourself, “I am slowly becoming calmer.”
4. Repeat this phrase seven times with kindness as you breathe in and out through your mouth.
5. Give yourself an enormous hug, uncross your arms and pat yourself on your back for taking time to pause and refocus your energy.

What next?

In summary, self-care and meditation are essential practices we should all prioritise, especially Black Women who bear the brunt of social inequities, to care for our physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual well-being while also caring for and supporting others to care and look after themselves.

So, next time you feel overextended, put upon at home or work, and seek inner calm, imagine how quiet and settled your mind will be when you practice these self-care practices before meditating or even taking time out during your day to calm and soothe your thoughts into a more frame of mind.

What’s your favourite self-care practice to calm and clear your mind before you meditate?

Thank you for reading, and if you enjoyed this article, follow me and leave your comments on this article.

And to help you practice self-care and make yourself a priority, get my free guide: 21 Affirmations for Self-Love & Healing

I originally published this article on Medium  where you may read my other inspirational articles.